What is a Chastity Relationship?

With so many blogs and websites (including this one) dedicated to the topic of male chastity, I thought it would be helpful to write about what exactly is a male chastity relationship. Male chastity can mean many things to many different people, so it might be helpful if we explained what some of these types of male chastity relationships are and how they work. However, it’s important to mention that a male chastity relationship does not have to fit into any one of these molds. The most important thing is for both partners to discuss their needs, wants, and boundaries before embarking on their male chastity journey in order to find the path that’s best for them.

The Vanilla Male Chastity Relationship

For lack of a better term, I’ve termed the type of male chastity relationship I have with my wife a “Vanilla” male chastity relationship. Not that we have a vanilla relationship, it’s just that our version of male chastity doesn’t involve a strong dominant/submissive component.

We simply enjoy the denial of my orgasms in favor of attending to my wife’s sexual needs. Whenever she’s ready, we will enjoy physical intimacy. When I’m locked in a chastity cage, which is most of the time, I’m ready to please her anytime she desires (and she loves that), but I’ll wait until she’s ready. That means that many times, my advances are rejected, but that’s okay. My wife loves knowing that I always desire her, and she knows that my feelings won’t be hurt if she’s not in the mood. At the moment, it’s been about a week since we’ve been physically intimate. My wife had a huge orgasm which left her incredibly satisfied. I’m hoping she’ll be ready soon, but I won’t pressure her. It’s enough for me to enjoy being ready to satisfy her, and she loves knowing that my cock in locked in a cock cage and that I’m perfectly willing to wait as long as necessary.

In this scenario, the only component of a D/S relationship is the involvement of orgasm denial. Otherwise, our intimacy is all about me doing everything I can to please my wife. Our sex is completely focused on her, and we both love that. In fact, I don’t orgasm unless it’s from getting so aroused from pleasing her that it brings me over the edge, which means that generally, I only orgasm inside of my chastity cage.

My wife doesn’t engage in acts of humiliation, we don’t practice cuckoldry, or feminization, and she doesn’t dress up like a dominatrix. We use male chastity to enhance our physical intimacy and to spice things up in the bedroom. There are probably many couples who practice orgasm denial and male chastity in a similar manner to how we do it. The takeaway from this is that we defined our own terms. There’s no need to confine yourself to the mold of something you read in a work of erotica or have seen in a movie. Do what works for you.

Male Chastity and BDSM

Within a BDSM relationship, male chastity can get very interesting. I must admit that I wish we included a bit more of this, but it’s more important to reach an agreement together on how to implement male chastity in our relationship.

It’s very common within a BDSM for the keyholder to constantly tease the locked partner physically, and to do everything possible to torment them through actions such as dressing provocatively, wearing the key to the chastity cage around their neck, or teasing about how long the partner will remain locked in chastity. The keyholder might play games to determine how long each chastity period will last, such as basing it on the frequency and quality of orgasms given, or subjecting the locked partner to humiliating experiences such as forced feminization, being tied up, or having to do chores around the house naked while wearing only the chastity cage and a butt plug.

The BDSM chastity relationship is also incredibly intimate, but just possesses a few additional “flavors”. Personally, I’d be very open to experiencing these additions, especially the humiliation, but I have to respect my wife’s boundaries. That said, we do find ways to incorporate this aspect into our male chastity lifestyle.

This is where we sometimes blur the lines. As a form of power and slight humiliation, we’ve agreed that the only I’m to ever orgasm if it’s from becoming so aroused from giving my wife cunnilingus or analingus that it causes me to orgasm in my chastity cage. Otherwise, I’m expected not to cum. My wife loves that I get so aroused from adoring her body that it makes me cum, and we embrace that. I’ll also sometimes use a butt plug, we sometimes experiment with pegging, and we have a remote control anal vibrator that we enjoy sticking inside of me and seeing what happens.

So even if you and your partner don’t wish to live within a strict BDSM relationship, it’s very easy and fun to include elements of BDSM into a more vanilla chastity relationship.

Professional Keyholder / Dominatrix

Some male chastity participants prefer to engage in chastity via a professional keyholder, who is often a professional dominatrix who happens to enjoy controlling the keys for many chastity clients. Typically, a client would lock themselves in a chastity cage and mail the keys to the dominatrix. The dom would store them and would determine the length of lockup and would also name any tasks the chaste male must perform.

The dominatrix might also engage in video sessions with her client, demand photos of the locked chastity cage, or even order her client to wear items of clothing on certain days in order to make her sense of control felt.

Of course, safety precautions are always taken. It would be unwise to partake in such an activity without a keyholder agreement, and it would also be wise for the client to keep an emergency key available. Usually, this key would be kept in a sealed envelope with a date on it or held in some other fashion to discourage “cheating” and to enable the keyholder to keep tabs on the key to ensure the sub doesn’t violate the terms of the chastity agreement.

This type of arrangement can be perfect for a single male who is interested in chastity play. I’ve also heard that professional keyholders experienced excellent business during the COVID lockdowns.

FemDom / Cuckold Relationship

I would consider the FemDom/Cuckold style relationship to be the most extreme version of a male chastity relationship. In it, the female partner pretty much runs the house and controls the male partner, sometimes to the point of micromanagement. She also will take a lover (or lovers) outside of the relationship, and will sometimes completely refrain from intercourse with her partner, leaving him locked in chastity longterm. The male in chastity will be expected to satisfy her needs by giving her oral whenever she desires, and will sometimes be forced to watch while she has sex with her “bull”. She may also force her male “slave” to clean her up after she has sex with her bull by licking up his semen.

It’s also not uncommon for the chaste male to be feminized partly or completely. This is done for the humiliation and to let him know his place in the relationship. The male in chastity may also be forced to engage in sexual acts with other men either for the entertainment of his partner or for the express purpose of humiliating him.

This type of relationship is a strong lifestyle choice, and isn’t for everyone. I’ve fantasized about this many times, but couldn’t ever imagine trying it out for real. It’s also difficult to get a sense of how many couples actually do practice a FemDom/Cuckold male chastity relationship versus how many just write about a fictionalized version of it on their blog. And of course, I’m sure there are many couples who adapt the idea into something that fits their comfort zone.

Summary

Being in a chastity relationship can mean many things and there’s no one way to define such an arrangement. Perhaps that’s one of the things that makes it so thrilling and interesting. A chastity relationship can easily be adapted to suit the couple as per their desires and needs.